The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
After the fourth time that the quick brown fox did this he began to get all cocky and started to take the piss out of the dog, saying things like 'Yah, lazy dog, you're too lazy! Lying in the sun all day like a lump of gristle! Yah, lazy lazy dog! Can't catch me, I'm the quick brown fox.'
The dog lay there, pretending to take no notice, but what the fox didn't see was one lazy looking doggy eye moving imperceptibly to the half open position as the quick brown fox jumped over him again. When the fox's belly passed above the prone canine, a single clawed paw came whipping through the air like a spiked glove and ripped a single red line across the russet fur.
'I thought you guys were supposed to be cunning,' murmured the dog, as the slow, wounded fox tried to drag itself out of range. The lazy dog lay in the same position as before, but with both eyes open this time. He observed the fox casually as it bled all over the grass, leaving a trail of russet stains on the green of the land as it tried to drag itself to safety.
'Yah, lazy fox,' growled the dog. 'Why are you moving so slowly, huh? You're too lazy, dragging yourself around like a lump of gristle? You couldn't even get away from me, and I'm the lazy dog!'
'Alright, dog,' said the fox. 'I know when I'm beaten. But I tell you this. If you kill me now, well and good. You could do that, and I couldn't stop you. But I tell you this. If you do, you'll never know what would have happened if you hadn't.'
'What would have happened?' asked the dog.
'What would have happened,' said the fox. 'Exactly.'
'Well, go on, fox,' said the dog. 'I'd like to know. What would have happened?'
'Ah,' the fox replied, coughing slightly and grimacing to show how much pain he was in. 'Fact is I can't tell you that.'
'Why not?' growled the dog. 'I'll finish you off if you don't, and that's a promise.'
'Thing is,' said the fox, 'that you are asking me to do something that is physically impossible.'
'Physically impossible?' barked the dog. 'Physically impossible? What foxy nonsense is that? Your riddle talk is almost as annoying as your persistent leaping over me just when I was trying to get some kip. I've a good mind to come over there and give you another swipe with my claws.'
'You could do that,' said the fox. 'I couldn't stop you from doing that.'
'You're honest enough for a fox,' said the dog. 'I'll grant you that. But I still don't understand how come you can't tell me what will happen if I just let you go.'
'Well,' said the fox, after a long pause, 'there is in fact a way.'
'Is there', growled the dog. 'I kind of thought there would be.'
'But I'll need your help.' The fox looked the dog seriously and steadily in the eyes, until the dog began almost to feel sorry for his wounded enemy. 'I can't do it without you.'
'Will I have to do much?' The dog's bark was almost playful. 'I'm kind of tired today.'
'I promise you,' said the fox, 'that your part in it will be most unstressful and entirely undemanding.'
'Hmmm,' growled the dog, gently. 'I like the sound of that. Most unstressful and entirely undemanding. Yes. That's the kind of task that suits me down to the ground.'
'Well, if you want me to tell you what happens if you don't finish me off now...' The fox broke off abruptly, to see if the dog was still listening.
'Yes? Yes?' The dog was almost panting now. 'Tell me what I have to do.'
'One word,' said the fox.
'Ok,' said the dog.
'Nothing,' said the fox.
'But I'm doing that already,' said the dog.
'So you are, friend' said the fox, who had by this time managed to drag himself close to one of his secret hideaway entrances. 'And that's what I want you to keep doing. When I come back, I'll tell you what you want to know.'
'Ok, friend,' said the dog, but the fox was gone.
And to this very day, there is a certain hillside where a lazy dog lies with one eye half open, waiting for his friend the fox to come back and tell him something. He can't even remember what it was the fox was going to tell him, but he knows it was something interesting and important, and he still believes that one day the fox will come back and tell him what it was.
MORAL: It is still better to be a quick brown fox than a lazy dog, even if all the available evidence seems to suggest otherwise.