1 - Ridiculous:
As if anyone would want to.
Nevertheless, all contributions will be gratefully received, and will stand a very high chance of being used. We (We! I.) can't pay though. Sorry.
2 - Anyway:
What I'm looking for can be decoded from the following editorial bullshit:-
Cartoons
... of any sort would be lovely. One day the Internet *will* save the world.
Pedant
Ask yourself - did this piece *need* to be written. If not - send it this way.
Bad Editor
No chance. This is mine and I'm keeping it. And you're welcome, I hear you say. Oh sod off.
Poetry
Soppy stuff for 'love', spiky stuff for 'spit'. The two will alternate. Submissions that fit into neither category have a high chance of spawning a new one.
Migration
A home for good but unsaleable travel pieces, or a silly, but appropriate link.
DIY
Essays and comments on DIY culture.
(What's that? Read this)
Memo
Preferably real, preferably obnoxious. So long as it's funny I don't actually give a shit.
Anything else
Email me and tell me what it is first.
3 - Otherwise
... submissions should be emailed to me, Bad Editor, at badeditor at waz.easynet.co.uk in plain text format.
(sighs, shakes head and realises that the original intention to make the Contributor's Guidelines in some way amusing has gone terribly, terribly wrong.)