The Fool - Chapter Three ======================== I - The phone rings. "Hi Beth," I say. "Happy Tuesday. I'm at work." "Congratulations," she says. "You didn't pull a sickie today then." "No," I say. There is silence. "Well," she says, "What are you doing later?" "No plans," I tell her. "Why don't you come over for dinner?" "I thought your mother with with you." There is a pause. "She is," Beth mutters, eventually. "Right here." In the background I hear an older version of Beth saying 'Hello-oo' in a fruity sing-song voice. "She says hello," says Beth. "Tell her hello," say I. "So you'll come," Beth tells me. "Make it seven o'clock. Don't be late. Bring wine." "Uh..." "Ok," says Beth. "Got to go. See you later." "Er..." She hangs up. "Shit," I say. Baz and Joachim are oddly silent, but later, at lunch, Baz says, "So, that's quick work, mate." "Huh?" say I. "I mean, you only met this girl, when? Two weeks ago you said." I nod. "Meeting mother after two weeks? That's fucking quick work, mate." "I'd be careful if I were you," says Joachim. "Careful of what?" say I. "It's not like she's after my money or anything. I've never been so skint." "Just be careful," says Joachim. "Chance would be a fine thing," I say, by mistake. "You're joking," says Baz. "You mean you haven't shagged her yet?" I turn several shades of puce and mumble incoherently. "Ooohhh," says Joachim. "Is she religious?" "No," I say. "Well. No." Joachim falls silent. "Jesus," says Baz. "Just get out of it, mate. Don't go there. That's my advice." "Yeah, well..." I mumble. Baz shakes his head, and Joachim whistles softly. "Just be careful," says Joachim. "Be very careful." II -- I arrive at Beth's place at seven o'clock on the nail. This time I have remembered to bring wine. An older, taller version of Beth, huge and resplendent in a long green sarong, opens the door, beaming. "Hello," she says, in a voice so fruity you could bottle it and make brandy. "You must be Adam. I'm Dora. Beth's mother." Somewhere behind her Beth is still yelling, "I'll get it mum," then apparently banging an assortment of kitchen utensils with a drumstick. "Hi," I say to Dora. Beth emerges from the kitchen looking distracted and says 'Oh." "Hi," I say to Beth. "Well," says Dora. "Well," says Beth. "You'd better come in," I say, somewhat by mistake, successfully adding to the existing confusion. There is a pause. Finally, Dora laughs. "It's like the old Goon Show," she says. "Close that door, it's cold out here. I suppose that would be well before your time, though." "Oh no," I tell her. "Spike Milligan was a genius." "Yes he was," Dora says, moving forward and taking the blue plastic bag I am carrying out of my hands. "Oh, Beth, look, Adam brought some wine. How lovely." She ushers me forwards into the house, where I am pressed into a sofa and forced entirely against my will to drink a glass from the already opened bottle of red wine. Slowly and deliberately, Dora raises her glass first to me, then to Beth. "Cheers," she says. III --- All at once, Dora rises with a flourish. "I'll just go and check what's going on in the kitchen," she says, sweeping off. Beth sighs. I smile at her. "Hi," I say. "Hi," she says. "You alright?" I ask. "Fabulous," she tells me. "Excuse me." She too heads for the kitchen, and I am left with the distinct sense that Beth is a little stressed out by being around her mother. But I am not sure. Then again, I have no idea what is going on between me and Beth either. We met two weeks ago, both pissed, in some bar, and ended up snogging. I escorted her home, and she bid me goodbye on her doorstep, with one final long kiss and her phone number. Every time I've seen her since then, we've just talked. But really talked. Talked long, into the night, and then... nothing. Either we've both passed out, or I've made a late trek home. Maybe there's something I'm doing wrong, but I don't think she actually finds me particularly attractive. To be honest, I can't tell if I actually fancy her or not any more myself. Yet I've never met a woman with whom I've talked so much, and felt so close to, so quickly. There is no way I want to be meeting her mother right now. What is going on? IV -- Dinner is impressive - a superb onion soup followed by roast chicken, with couscous and steamed broccoli. The chicken is fat and succulent. I turn out to be starving hungry, and gobble my food down at a healthy rate. "So," says Dora, all at once. "Beth tells me you've been performing some kind of ritual invocation work." I nearly blow my mouthful of chicken and broccoli across the table. "Yes," I manage to reply, eventually. "That's interesting," says Dora. "May I ask what tradition it is that you are following?" "I beg your pardon?" I say, stalling for time. Dora smiles. "Perhaps Beth hasn't told you," she says. "I suppose there's no reason why she should." I shake my head, dumbly. "Let me explain," says Dora. "I am an ordained Archpriestess of Venus, in the tradition of Isis Myrionymous..." "Oh mum," says Beth. "... so I've performed an invocation or two in my time," Dora continues, unperturbed. "Beth doesn't like me talking about it, for some reason, which is strange, because that's the whole reason she insisted on inviting you over tonight." V - "So," continues Dora, fixing me with clear eyes, "what is the tradition you are following?" "Well, er, no one particular tradition," I say. "I've read lots of bits of Bonewitz and Crowley and Golden Dawn stuff. Also chaos stuff, Robert Anton Wilson stuff, other stuff. I draw on all of it, really. Whatever works." She nods and is silent. "So you're not just completely making it up then," says Beth, in an exasperated tone. "Why didn't you tell me that yesterday?" "I did," I tell her. "I never said I was just completely making it up. You just..." "Well never mind if he's completely making it up or not completely making it up," says Dora, to Beth. She turns to me. "Only bits? Are you being modest, or have you really not done much reading?" "No," I say. "I mean yes. To be honest, there's been far more reading than doing. It's only recently that I started actually feeling ready to do anything." Dora nods and fixes me with a level gaze. "Well Adam," she says, "if you ever want to get involved with a group of people on a similiar path, let me know. I've been running a coven for more than twenty years now." "Mum," says Beth. "You're not Wiccan." "No dear," says Dora, "But we still call it a coven. For convenience's sake. If people want to think we are Wiccans, let them. There's nothing wrong with Wiccans." She turns back to me. "We're pretty much Goddess focussed," she says. "That may or may not be your thing. If not, we've got connections to other groups I could put you in touch with." VI -- "Thankyou," I say, "But I can tell you now I'm probably not yet interested. I've thought about this a lot, and I don't think I'm ready to get involved in any kind of group stuff yet. Maybe in a few months or a few years time, but right now, I'm just experimenting, just trying things out." "Well it's up to you," says Dora. "I can understand that you prefer to do these things alone rather than with others. Meanwhile, at the stage when you are just learning and trying things out, why not join with others who are also learning and trying things out? You will learn faster that way. "Also," she continues, "you can have a real live teacher there too, who can help you learn and help you try things out. That's better than a book." "Oh mum," says Beth. "Are you on a recruitment drive or what?" "No dear," says Dora. "You told me you were worried that Adam was doing things that might be dangerous, and that it was freaking you out, so I suggested that you invite him over and I'd talk to him. Now that I am talking to him, you've just gone all sulky on us." "Oh mum," says Beth. VII --- "Adam," says Dora. "What is your purpose in doing all this?" "I'm sorry?" I say. "What made you want to practise Magick? You must have realised by now that there's an awful lot of work involved, a great deal to learn, all kinds of things that you have to arrange, all kinds of restrictions you have to place on your personal life. What..." "Restrictions on your personal life?" I say. "There are? Damn..." "Oh dear," says Dora. "Well he's stopped wanking," says Beth. There is a silence, during which I blush furiously from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. "Oh good boy," says Dora eventually. "Most men usually find that the hardest part." Beth giggles. Dora beams. "So to speak," Dora continues. "But if you're doing that, then you've understood something very important, I think. Before you do anything else, you must learn control over your own energies. It's all about the energy, you know." "Yes," I say. "So think about it, Adam," says Dora. "I think some group work would definitely benefit you." VIII ---- Beth goes to make coffee, and Dora sits there smiling at me from across the table. I feel a tingle on the crown of my head, as if my hair was standing on end. Dora's smile grows broader, and her eyes glint and flash with a deep, potent calm. "I don't think Beth has anything to worry about," she says, at length. "The mysteries have their own means of protecting themselves from those who are not ready for them." I am silent a long while, digesting this. "Do you understand the concept of ordination," says Dora, at length. "There are certain energetic states which cannot be learned, only prepared for. Once the aspirant is ready, the state can be reached only with the help of one who is already there. It must be passed on from person to person." "Oh," I say. "All religions have some form of ordination. All magickal groups, too. And others." "Ah," I say. "That's what the whole lineage thing is about," she carries on. "It's not just idle boasting. Take the Catholics, for example. They claim a lineage from the Pope that leads directly back to Jesus Christ himself. Many churches claim to be part of that lineage, in fact." "Um... I thought..." I begin, and falter. "That's why all the Eastern traditions emphasise the importance of the guru. You can do all the learning by yourself, you can begin to practise by yourself, but only the guru can actually help you pass through to certain stages of attainment. Doesn't matter what it is you are actually learning. It could be a martial art, or Tea ceremony." "Wha..." I say, but she is too quick for me. "A modern day equivalent might be driving. You can practise as much as you like while you are a learner driver, but you only get your license after the examiner ritually anoints you with the magic mark on his magic clipboard, and he'll only do that if you perform the Driving Test ceremony correctly for him." "Bu.." I say, but she is having none of it. "What you need, Adam, is a spiritual driving license." She fixes me with a clear stare. "That is," she continues, "assuming you really do want to learn to drive." IX -- Beth returns with coffee, and we sip it in silence for some while. "May I ask," I venture, "what it means to be an Archpriestess of... what was it again?" "An Archpriestess of Venus in the tradition of Isis Myrionymous," says Dora. "Yes," I say. "Well you may ask indeed, certainly. But I am under no obligation to give a complete answer. In fact, there are certain parts of it that I could not possibly explain to you, even if I wanted to." "Mum's just an old hippie," says Beth. "Thankyou, Beth," says Dora. "That's about right. I'm not sure what you mean by 'old' though." X - "When I was about Beth's age," says Dora, "I ran away from home and came up to London. It was the Summer of Love, and there were lots of places where there were always things happening, stuff, you know, going on." "I now realise that I was incredibly lucky with the particular crowd I fell in with. When I look back, I see that lots of people were just doing it as an excuse to get into sex and drugs, and it didn't do any of them very much good in the end." "Nothing like that happened to me, though. My crowd were all into spirituality. We were sincere. Very sincere. Frankly, we were too heavy for a lot of other people, which is how we kept it that way." "It was all pretty chaotic for a few years, but when we finally got it together, some time in the seventies, and founded our temple, something happened. Something changed. It all became more real, if you like. A few people couldn't cope with it, and left, but those of us who remained became... well." She breaks off abruptly and stares at the floor for a moment. For an instant, she looks old, hawk-like, smaller somehow. At length she looks up again, and smiles softly. "There are some who try to become more than human, and there are some who try to build the kingdom of God here on earth," she says. "I'm still not sure what I think about that..." She breaks off again. "Learn kindness, Adam," she says. "Learn kindness, and all else will follow."